Managing Tantrums and Meltdowns
What is the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown?
Basically, a tantrum is when a child has an outburst, crying, kicking, screaming, whatever their tantrum consists of, because they're not getting something they want or they're being asked to do something they don't want to do. There's usually a function to that tantrum.
A meltdown happens because the child is just overloaded. If they're in a very noisy place for example, let's say you take them to a shopping mall. It's very busy, there are lots of people making a noise.There's a lot of light, there's a lot of chaos, and they are just unable to cope with it and they start tantruming. That's an example of a meltdown.
Tantrums usually occur as a way to express what the child wants. So, if a child wants something and you're not giving it to them, they may tantrum or if you're telling the child to do something they don't want to do, they might tantrum to get out of doing it. Children will very often tantrum as a way to express their needs. Most children with Autism, even if they can talk, have very delayed speech, and so they struggle to express their basic needs and wants. So when they want something or when they don't want to do something instead of telling us verbally, they tantrum, and that's where ABA comes in.
We need to figure out what the function of the tantrum is. Once we do that we can then teach the child a more appropriate way to get what they need. There are different ways to manage tantrums, as far as examining the function of the behavior, simply looking at a child having a tantrum and saying, well, he's tantruming, put them in timeout, or use some kind of a blueprint strategy is not going to work. We need to know what the function of the tantrum is. So, if a child is hungry, what we would do is teach them a more appropriate way to get food. To ask for it either verbally or with PECS which are pictures or by pointing or with sign language, because they need to learn how to communicate rather than tantruming.
If the child is tantruming to get out of doing a task they don't want to do we need to teach that child how to express their needs, again, either with pictures or words or sign language. We can teach them how to say no, we can teach them how to say, I need a break, or I will do that later.
We can also use reinforcement to make it less likely for the child to resist doing the activity in the first place.
There are many different steps parents can take to manage tantrums. One is to try to prevent it in the first place, if that's not possible, you need to figure out the function of the tantrum/behavior. To do that, you need to look at what we call ABC data. So A is the antecedent, which is basically the trigger for the behavior, what happened immediately before the tantrum. B for behaviour, in this case is the tantrum. The C is the consequence, what happens immediately after the child starts tantruming. So, if we can figure out what the antecedent and what the consequence is for the tantrum, we can then figure out a way to manipulate those triggers and the consequences that are maintaining the tantrum.
A lot of parents feel very guilty when their children are tantruming. So instead of trying to manage it they give in because they feel they feel sorry for the child that they don't necessarily understand what's going on around them as well as other children do. That's something that is very important to work through because feeling guilty is not going to help the child. Giving into the tantrums giving into inappropriate behaviors is not going to help the child function in the world. So it's very important to do tough love, and help them become independent. That way they won't tantrum as much and they will be able to enjoy different outings and activities and be part of society just like everyone else.
It's incredibly important to follow through when managing tantrums because if you are not consistent, for example, if you give in to them sometimes, but then don't give in other times, the tantrums are never going to go away. Parents and families can be very forgiving with their children when they're tantruming. But the world will not be. The world is not going to be forgiving. It's our job to prepare children to be as independent as they can in life.
Prevention is always better than cure and so there are different ways to prevent tantrums. One is with predictability. There are some children with autism who will get very, very distressed if their routine has changed. So let's say they go to school every day, Monday through Friday, and let's say it's Thanksgiving, so that Thursday, they don't go to school. On Thanksgiving, they have lots of people in their house because their parents are having Thanksgiving dinner. That's a very big change in their routine. One way we can help them cope with that is by preparing them in advance. If your child is unable to read or to understand more advanced language you can make a picture schedule to show them what's going to happen. First, you're going to wake up, you're going to have breakfast, you're going to get dressed. Then Grandma and Grandpa are going to come and your aunt and uncle and your cousins are going to come and we're going to have a very big dinner and this is what we're going to eat at dinner, and so on and so forth. And that way, at least the child knows what to expect. That can help prevent a tantrum. Another way to prevent tantrums is if you know that your child is very, very sensitive to certain sensory input like lights or sounds, or certain textures. Try to avoid putting them in situations where those items or those sounds or smells or whatever it is are present. If you do want them to go to these places where there might be lots of bright lights and lots of noise and lots of smells they don't like you need to start desensitizing them to those things ahead of time. You can't just throw them into it full blown and expect them to tolerate it.